Another year.................

So here we are again.  1st January.  Another year starts with good intention.  I see that I have failed miserably at this blog thing - 3 posts in 3 years.  Note to self - if you're going to do something, do it properly.

Back to the here and now.  2012 was not the best of years for this household.  Major ongoing problems and angst with family members - dramas, life threatening illness, fears for children and my health was pretty poor (due to stress so my GP says).  Anyhow, as I reflect back on the various troubles that rocked us, and believe me they did rock us quite heavily, I have to pull out the positives that can sometimes get hidden within all the mess that life throws at us.  So here they are:

Daughter happy progressing her chosen career and moved into a houseshare in north London, enjoying that first flush of independence and a blossoming relationship with a fantastic guy;

Son miraculously on a foundation year at Durham University, which if he passes will lead onto a 3 year Physics degree course - he is the master of his own destiny and it's totally up to him to stuff it up or not as the case may be!

Mother comfortably installed in the dementia wing of a care home just a stones throw away thus making looking after her needs so much easier;

Husband coping with the progression of the disease that has debilitated him for the past 11 years but thankfully its progress is slow and we live n hope of research finding treatment or a cure in his lifetime;

Despite me suffering from really awful back pain for years, spinal injections that I had in September worked briefly but are wearing off now - the good news though is that I can have them again shortly and that may fix the problem and if not then there is another option that should cure it (this item is a semi-positive!) - this year is the year I really must fix this.

We found our bolthole in Barbados in November so now when things get tough I can just think about that, look back on the photos and if funds permit buy an airline ticket!

I look to this coming year, 2013, with hope -  I count my blessings one by one.

Pre-operative nerves

The clock is ticking it's way down to midnight whereby I have to be 'nil by mouth'. Tomorrow I have my left shoulder keyhole surgery - I'm treating myself to a night's stay in the private hospital up the road as I don't think I can rely on my husband or daughter to keep an eye on me post operatively!

As I wait, nervously, for the appointed hour I am filled with anxiety - I have been trying to contact my son for nearly 4 weeks now. I have convinced myself that something awful has happened to him, but those nearest and dearest to me say that he is 99.9% likely to be just ignoring me - maybe he has lost his job, finished with his girlfriend, who knows - all I know is that 4 weeks ago tomorrow I spoke to him and offered to pay for urgently needed dental treatment for him which he gladly accepted. All he had to do was book the dentist and speak to me the following weekend to confirm arrangements. Since then I have tried to call him, emailed both is email accounts, left two voicemail messages with his girlfriend and sent him a Skype text message all to no avail - he's 25 but I still worry about him manically!!

Or maybe my heightened anxiety is because I'm a scardy cat about having a general anaesthetic - Jack just gives me an excuse to worry about something else and not admit to my fear!

Water runs deep

Day 3 of the self imposed retirement and I find myself wondering if the old grey cells can really leave me so quickly? My antics yesterday in my mad clean up (after some very messy plumbers) had me involved in a wellie clad clean up of the garage after I left the garden hose dripping everso slightly overnight.

Result - 1 semi flooded garage, 10 soggy packing boxes still unpacked from move over 3 years ago.

Remedy - expensive trip to Staples for clear plastic storage containers, frantic efforts to dry out precious memories and repackage, trip to tip with rubbish stored for long time.

Lesson learnt - don't leave a dripping tap - water has no consideration for personal possessions and will find the easiest route possible to travel its course.

Idle Hands day 2

This is the second day of my chosen early retirement. I've acted totally out of character and washed, cleaned, vacuumed and filed everything. The only thing I've truly enjoyed doing (apart from shopping) is cooking!

I'm going to try to assess where life should be taking me now. It's difficult - inertia could set in easily. The trick is to keep breathing.